Diary of the Dumped™ Day 5: Memory Remaking

July 9, 2010

Exactly three months ago, today, on Friday April 9, I had my first date with the ex. We met at The Harp, a lovely Irish pub, located on the edge of Cleveland, looking over the big beautiful Lake Erie. We spent two hours, sitting there, talking, endlessly, until the bartender, at 11:15pm, managing an otherwise empty bar, told us it was closing time.

That night, I left so elated, leaving the parking lot warm in excitement over meeting someone whose intelligence really turned me on. This euphoria even inspired me to, on the drive home on Clifton, upon seeing the newly open Clifton Martini Bar, do a U-turn, pull over, text him and then wait for him to meet me inside, which he shortly did. There we talked about I don’t know what, till 2:45am, before finally saying good-bye for the night.

We were back on Clifton the very next day, first for dinner at Lighthouse and then afterwards at the Starbuck’s near W. 117^th. Somewhere in between The Harp and Lighthouse is also the recently opened Capitol Theater where, over the next month, we saw three movies: “Date Night,” “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” and “Breaking Upwards,” all of which we mutually enjoyed.

Clifton Avenue has so many memories of our short-lived relationship. Needless to say, driving up and down that wide boulevard stretch, en route to the beautiful highway 2, bordering the Lake, still gives me an aching stomach. Like it is right now, just thinking about it.

Every relationship that makes it beyond the one or two month mark creates a series of memories and, for my generation, many are pop-culture reference – like a certain song two people hear and then smile or nod their heads in unison. Usually for me it is very much about The Song or The Movie or The Television Show. But, this time, in this case, the biggest mnemonic device is a street. Clifton Avenue served as the stage to our relationship and not just because of all the landmarks and venues we enjoyed, but also because I’d take the street to get to Highway 2 to then hop on 90 and then to 77 to get his place, usually Sunday nights. I’d always take 490 to 90 on my drive home the following morning, but to get to HIM, this was my path, my road, my route.

A few days ago I started to realize something about Clifton and all the places on it that began to fall into the “our places” category: these were never our places, they were mine. Because I introduced them to him.

In return, I think about all the places he introduced me to during our time together and not one comes to mind. Sure there was the Friendly’s where, the last time we were there, he told the lady my order because he paid attention and knew. And there was also Applebee’s and a few other chains, deeply engrained in his deep suburbia. There was one ice cream place, where he took me on one of our first dates, where, in a perfect date moment, we sat outside, on one of the benches, and, with an ice cream in one hand and a headphone in one ear, we each listened to Pete Yorn, on my iPhone. It was all very sweet and happy and he dug this artist that he’s never heard of before. Later, I even made him a couple Pete Yorn cds, which he thanked me for, but never reciprocated.

Point is, Clifton, with all its memories, was nothing more than my introductions of a different world to a man who was actually quite content living in his own universe.

Tonight, my friend MJ and I had dinner at the Harp and sat outside, enjoying the warm weather and the gorgeous Cleveland sunset.  To the day and to the date, it is three months from that first encounter. And, today, I claimed The Harp back. Later, I stopped by Starbuck’s and claimed that back. And, on my entire drive down Clifton, I claimed the street back. I actually said it, in my car, “Clifton, I am claiming you back!”

Next time, I hope that a man I will date will introduce me to his favorite new movie theater, to his favorite Irish pub and, most importantly, to his life.

Today, I am reclaiming mine.

“Memory Remaking” is part of series of daily reflections to be included in  “Diary of the Dumped: 30 Days from Break Up to Breakthrough™.”