Clowns in a Circus: Memorable Quotes, Compliments of You

We live in troubling times. Without going through a long list of depressing situations to worry about, the past year has added plenty of meshigas to our already slightly (or heavily) neurotic lives. If you happen to be someone untouched, unfazed or unbound from reality, enjoy your Shangri La while the rest of us continue to juggle, manage, cope (insert verb of choice) life in areas such as finance, romance, health, career and trying to figure out which presidential candidate can bring us back to the economic hey day when people could actually afford their houses, when world peace seemed plausible and when we survived without even knowing who that annoying hotel heiress is. While we all hope that life’s progression leads to better, happier, healthier and more fruitful (and self-aware) life experiences – some call this security – often the new found wisdom merely brings us the realization of “Shit! I still have so much more to go.”

In light of the seriousness with which many embark within our days, dream during our nights and contemplate choice while operating heavy machinery at uber fast speed, today’s blog is here to make you laugh. 

For years I have been collecting quotes from many of you: over dinner, at Starbucks, during High Holidays as well as other locations and situations. Like an addict in need of a fix, I’ve overcome temporary moments of permanent hearing loss all in an effort to listen to what you are saying. 

Because I spend more time with some of you than others, a few names will appear more frequently. The good news is that the quantity is justified by the quality.

So sit back, enjoy and know that even during the most uncertain times, you can count on yourself to bring humor, light, great insight and provide the gift of laughter to others.

PS: Some quotes are adult reading, so if strong language or dirty thoughts offend you, stop reading now…. 🙂 

PPS: If you have some additional nuggets of joy you would like to add, please feel free to post comments on the blog.


“I feel like we are all clowns in your circus.” – Miguelle E. to Alex 6.8.07

“One fleeting sophisticated asset in a sea of barbarism.” – Robert W. 11.17.03

“Bridges are at the top of the metaphor pyramid. That’s a good place to be.” – Daniel B. @ Fat Fish Blue 5.1.04

“You’re like my personal documentarian.” – Jacob L. to Alex S. 5.14.04

“Emotionally happy downstairs.” – Michael A. 5.28.04

“I am not a man of steel. I am a man of concrete.” – Daniel B. 1.05

“Emotional intimacy. F*** that. And f*** me.” – Tony V. 3.11.05

“A friend of mine moved to Vegas to be with a Chinese acrobat who didn’t speak English.” – Deborah S. 5.8.05

Danielle G. : I’m full.
Florin: Go to the bathroom and make some room. – 12.19.05

“This is nerd central. You could be their king.” – Deborah S. to Daniel B., “studyhall” Starbuck’s. 1.29.07

“I love him from afar, but unfortunately he now lives in my bed.” – Deborah S. 4.20.06

“I’m not zenning enough.” – Michael G. 1.6.07

“Hillbillies and Asians.” – Wallie G. 1.13.07

“I’m the connoisseur of all things adult.” – Evan L. 1.13.07 

“I’d be Byonce’s house husband. The public would never see me.” – Miguelle E. 4.3.07

“Social Penetration Theory.” – Bettina L. 4.3.07

Deborah S.: I met LeBron’s belly botton.

Alex S.: And he enjoyed it. 4.3.07
“We’re never content. We’re Jewish. Do you know where you are?” – Tom F. to Florida waitress 6.2.07

“I really don’t know what to do. But I can fly because I have wings.” – 2 year old boy to his brother in Florida 6.2.07

“I hate giving head. I don’t even give head to my fiance.” – Katie, in Vegas. Not to her fiance. 6.07

“I didn’t know hookers were that attractive.” – Daniel B., reflecting on recent trip to Vegas. 6.13.07

“There are no problems. Only opportunities and the psych ward.” – Alex S. 5.07

“Sometimes Phoebe. Sometimes Einstein. What can I say?” – Vanessa D. 6.19.07

“You are a fountain of obscure facts.” – Daniel B. to Alex S. 6.07

“Menefits.” – Kelly M. 6.21.07

“I don’t have to make the world spin.” – Alex S. 6.22.07

“Loose and warm.” – Miguelle E. 6.24.07

“People f*** all the time.” – Miguelle E. 6.24.07

“I had a conversation about G-d with a porn star / hooker.” – Steve Z. 6.25.07

“Jewish sex: twice the guilt and half the calories.” – Alex S. 6.29.07

Alex S.: How do you say “thank you” in Indian?
Sonya B.: No one ever says it. 7.5.07

“I’ve heard of Charles in Charge. But I don’t know who Charles is or why he’s in charge.” – Daniel B. 7.6.07

“Hungaria.” – Rudy W. 7.7.7

“Have you ever lived outside the Midwest?” – Ben L. to Daniel B. 7.8.07

“Curious playful minds.” – Ben L. 7.8.07

“When I came along, the dog just wasn’t the same person.” – Veronica, San Diego 7.12.07

“He’s cute, but I’ll destroy him like a matza ball.” – Debbie D. 7.21.07

“Now that I’m quiet, what do you want me to do?” – Jennifer toMiguelle E. 7.07

“Being a Jew just isn’t what it used to be.” – Evan L. 7.26.07

“Guinness. A small gift from above.” – Michael (bartender) 7.27.07

“Strange coincidences and you go together.” – Rick H. to Alex S. 8.14.07

Miguelle E.: Look at our shadows.
Alex S.: Everybody wants to walk in them. – 8.18.07

“This is ridiculous. This is worst than a food stamp line.” – Alex S. waiting to be called in jury duty 8.20.07

“I hope your job and my job never meet.” – Curtis (truck driver) to Owen (paramedic) 8.20.07

“The assistant director’s mother is too neurotic to be a Jew.” – Evan 8.21.07

“I’m not giving you $10. I’m going to give you a “f*** you. For free.” – Jose to city parking attendant. 8.24.07

“Two Rodneys don’t make a right.” – Jose 8.28.07

“Why does everyone say funny things when I am swallowing?” – Evan L. 8.30.07

“I got a lot to offer without my clothes on.” – Miguelle E. 8.30.07

“Phrasology.” – Bob N. 9.12.07

“Slinky is the anti-mushroom head.” – Evan L. & Alex S. 9.16.07