Career TOOLBox #14: What Women Can Learn from Men

5 Easy Steps to Boost Your Interviewing Confidence

I’ve been career coaching clients for many years and there’s a major difference between most male and female job and grad school candidates. At first I thought it was a random occurrence, but, after hundreds of interactions and tremendous success stories, I noticed a pattern: the men would set a goal and, with laser focus, achieve it, quickly. The women? Far more hesitation and, dare I say it, lack of confidence in their approach. In other words, the men already knew that they were good enough while the women needed convincing. Usually, the men know what it means to win and just need some help during the battle.

This made me think about the whys of it all. My whole life I’ve played in the men’s playground; first, as a girl drummer in the ’80s who from Day 1 was hell-bent on being first chair and practiced as hard as I could to earn to that role. Simon School of Business was ~80% male during my two years there. You could sense the testosterone from the second you stepped onto campus. These were already successful men determined on acquiring even more success, all obstacles crushed in the process.

While navigating through two decades of Corporate America at multiple international companies, and working with so many talented, educated and accomplished men and women, I also observed how many of the women tended to do more, stress more, work later hours and put more pressure on themselves and, as a result, on their employees. The men, on the other hand, would joke more, avoid panic and knew inside themselves that the job would get done, well and on time. And, if, say, a male boss reprimanded you for a project not well done, the next day he’d ask you about the new movie or album that just came out, indicating that his disappointment in your work was yesterday and today was a new day. The women executives? Often, the disappointment lingered and for a long time. Sometimes, it would even lead to gossip and never-ending tension.

I thought it would be proper to explore what’s going on here. During last summer, the major publications took to task as well, with The Atlantic proclaiming that women can’t have it all, all the while Fast Company celebrated women that weren’t just having it all but influencing the whole world all at the same time. Entertainment Weekly recently featured a spread on “Tough Guy TV,” stating, “the most successful reality TV genre in years is all about manly men doing dangerous jobs.”

It is not my goal to research, synthesize and report on why women still get paid less per dollar for the exact same work, why there’s more women graduating college than men or why testosterone thrill is more appealing to viewers than dating shows. I’ll leave it up to the glossies to tell you that story.

Instead, what I do want to focus on here are five simple lessons that women can learn from men in order to boost their interviewing confidence. Interviews are nerve-wrecking, sometimes scary and often leave the candidate with no idea regarding how she did. This is because the person on the other side — the recruiter, HR manager or department director — has a million things on his plate and, chances are, triple booked at the time he has to meet with you.

The person who is conducting your interview doesn’t really want to interview you. No, instead, she wants you already hired, trained, integrated and working hard to take her project load off and to make her look good. To make her look like a bigger success than she is today. Which means you have to signal that you are already successful yourself.

I asked good friend Mitch Stecker, who, originally from the Cleveland area, is CEO of Nationwide Commercial Relief in Palm Beach Gardens, Florida, to chime in on this. Nationwide is a leading provider of financial services and solutions for commercial property owners across the United States and Mitch, who is one driven and successful Alpha-male, screens and hires sales people from all over the country. Given how competitive and cut-throat any sales position is, Mitch’s words of wisdom are applicable to any job.

1. Prepare. Prepare. Prepare. “Research the company and know their products and/or services. I don’t know how many people apply for a position with us only to ask what it is we do,” Mitch advises. Researching the firm in advance, via the website, social media or, if possible, a location visit, gives you insight and positions you to ask the right questions, giving you the interview edge. During your interview, find the opportunity to signal the research you’ve done.

2. Look (and Smell) The Part. When it comes to interview dressing, do your homework and dress industry-appropriate. No matter what you wear, look classy and have people notice your accomplishments and your poise. Adds Mitch, “Very light or no perfume and dress professionally. Even with me being a guy I don’t want to see cleavage during an interview or I automatically think, ‘She’s attempting to substitute her chest for her qualifications.’”

3. Find Your Focus. Think of this as the primal hunter and gatherer roles men and women once had. As a gatherer, you’re scanning the area, finding little opportunities of food here and there and collecting them, one at a time, to have enough to feed the family. I dare you to scrap that. Shut off the noise and decline all the distractions. Instead, become the hunter. Find the one big — REALLY BIG — opportunity and kill it.

4. Be Aggressive. Again, something most men are good at is the persistence it takes to realize a goal. Close the interview by asking for next steps and determination dates. As soon as that date passes, follow up — with a phone call. Then follow up, again. Get the story. If you get feedback that you need additional skills, gain those skills and re-approach. It took me three years to get accepted into a great MBA program. Even better? The Simon School offered me a partial academic scholarship.

5. Be Your Own Billboard. You are your own brand. What will people remember about you the minute you leave their office and they interview hundreds of other candidates — your competition. Per Mitch, “You need to exude confidence in the interview process without appearing to be cocky. In this day and age you must be confident in your body language as well as in your presentation of your qualifications.”

While not all women are wallflowers and not all men are hunters, the men in our lives have a lot to teach us when it comes to the job hunt. Observe the men you respect and trust and ask them for advice. Not only will they will be full of wisdom and guidance because they want to help you succeed, but, even in this economy, they also want to see you win.

First written in August 2012.  

Reprinted with permission and gratitude from CoolCleveland.com.

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