Apocalyptic Bebop: 5 Things Not Welcome in My 2014

“Apocalyptic Bebop,” – The Nails, “Home of the Brave”

Happy New Year!

As most of the Midwest is stranded under a ferocious snow blizzard – typical winter weather for this time of year not counting the couple of recent years we’ve had and been spoiled by – so many of us reflect on what we want in 2014.  Resolutions, promises, intentions. Some we work hard on and make happen. Some we pursue with zest in January only to resume our natural life rhythms in February.

About twelve and a half months ago, I took a look at things and, instead of proclaiming some grand new year gestures, focused on what would no longer hold true in the present. Granted all the self-self gurus will tell you if you think it – good or bad – it will come. But, in this case, the opposite of the opposite happened: the very things I didn’t welcome into 2013 subsided tremendously. And if our lives are red carpet events, then these things never made it past the velvet ropes.

As I look back at 2013, just one word comes to mind: gratitude. It was far from an easy year – transition times are rarely simple. However, the changes, some incremental, some significant, proved to contribute to the only intention I set for last year: health.  Not just physical health, but, also, mental, emotional, fiscal, personal, etc. Health was the theme. And, so, by not welcoming certain aspects into my path, I finished the year healthier than I started it.

Looking ahead, for 2014, it’s time to make a new list.  And here it is. And so it goes.

Drama Queens – Yes, life’s full of drama and our reaction to it best determines our outcome. I’ve worked very hard to minimize the drama in my life. And, yet, once in a while, I still attract people into my circle that use drama to fuel their very existence. They see me, they think my life is so easy, they want some of it, so they do a great job of trying to hide the drama from me until at the very worst moments, it explodes, in front of them, in front of me. The only drama I want this year is the kind that makes for good writing. As in the Breaking Bad kind good writing. And personal experience shouldn’t constitute the majority of that content.

Separation Kings – Not a secret of any sort, but for whatever reason a decade in Cleveland didn’t net out my personal life. Looking back, there’s a pattern: I tend to draw in men that are, well, separated. Perhaps they are separated from their wives, but not legally divorced. Perhaps they have separation anxiety from their mothers. Perhaps they are so lost in their own lives that they are separated from themselves, not truly having any sense of their identity or purpose.  We all go thru periods of feeling lost. I am not exempt from this. But these days, unlike the characters of Girls, I’m feeling whole. And don’t have room in my personal life for anyone who isn’t.

Vampires – Ok, not the True Blood kind. I’m talking about the people – and we’ve all met them – who love to attach themselves to others because they hope that via some level of osmosis they can absorb what you’ve worked so hard to build.  These aren’t people who want to learn or to improve themselves.  Nope, they simply want your life – whether it’s your job, your friends, your home, your spouse, your car, etc. I can usually sense these people rather quickly – when I’m next to them my energy feels drained. Why are they vampires? Because they literally fuel off your blood.

Liars – On a monthly, weekly and daily basis, I come across a lot of people. Mostly, these are good people: hard-working, honest, determined, loyal. Yet, once in a while, I come across the liar. And not Pretty Little Liars. A liar who will look you in the eye and like a magician distracting you with a diversion he’ll say something fantastic and yet do something awful. All at once. I attended a business meeting last year where I met a man who I immediately got a very slimy feeling from. He likes to promise big money but won’t really tell you anything about himself. And, during our one hour discussion, he looked up and down  every woman who walked thru the coffee shop. All the while wearing a wedding ring.

Victims – Oh, boy. I meet these people all the time. You can read their posts on Facebook every day. You can bank on these posts: the job sucks, the boss sucks, the spouse sucks, the neighbor sucks, the movie sucks, the politician sucks, the country sucks… Not once do these people every take any accountability for anything that happens in their lives. Not once can they be happy about anything or anyone. Because, according to them, everyone is out to get them.  They are Taken. And they are waiting for Liam Neeson to rescue them.

Of course, I get the fact that what we attract is what we project. So, if I drew this kind of behavior into my life in 2013, I must have, at some level, projected it myself.  There’s no finger pointing here. No judgement. No looking down at anyone. G-d knows, I am one flawed human being, doing my best, trying to figure it all out.

Most of are us doing our best and in one way or another, steering the same boat. As I glimpse at the 2014 shore, it’s come time to let the things on this list go – let them drown, if I may – as they’re weighing the boat down and safe passage, especially now, is key.  As is, in the past year, I let go of clothes, furniture, several people, two jobs, an apartment, a city and, within a week or so, my car.

The boat is lighter. The waters gorgeous. The horizon bright.

And, if chaos is the definition of transition then perhaps the snow blizzard that’s kept me here in Cleveland a few extra days is simply a test to see just how ready I am to definitively pursue 2014.

I know of no certainties. And yet, I have no doubts.