Career TOOLBox #30: Should Bossy Be Banned

Sheryl Sandberg and Beyonce Campaign for Girls’ Confidence

“Words can be like X-rays if you use them properly — they’ll go through anything. You read and you’re pierced.” ― Aldous Huxley, Brave New World

Lots of talk recently about Sheryl Sandberg joining forces with Beyonce and other mega stars to ban the word “bossy” when used to describe girls. The zeitgeist runs deep, with BFFs Tina Fey writing the bestseller Bossy Pants all the while Amy Pohler, via Smart Girls and the Party, is forging a campaign to support girls’ self-esteem.

There’s no question that these huge industry names, in business and in entertainment, drive public opinion and, in their own determination, has each earned her position and right to voice this campaign. I have the utmost respect for all of them. I’ve grown up with them.

My question in all this is, who has the right to ban any words?

While it’s true that female executives continue to receive the double standard when it comes to labels in the office – he’s assertive, she’s a bitch – whom do we really help when we demand the permanent closing of the discussion?

Is this simply an extension of the useless political correctness movement that began in academia just as I was starting college in the early ‘90s? And what good did that forced language do, when one of my own professors told me to write all essays using the distracting “he/she” each time when today’s double standard still holds court: Paula Deen gets ostracized and released from contracts when she allegedly, years ago, used the n-word. Yet no one blinks an eye when rappers use it and then refer to women as “bitches” and “hos.”

Last year I had a discussion with a close friend and former colleague, who is African-American, regarding the p.c. movement. We’re both college educators, so we now see it from the other side. And, bottom line, what we agreed on is that racists will continue to stay racists. No amount of forced language will change that.

And people who are sexist will also continue to look at women as inferior, weaker and as bitches. Most likely because they were raised to think that way. Kids aren’t born with “-isms”; we teach them “-isms.”

Companies may have their eloquently written yet lacking in any sort of practical application Diversity Statements. But if their board comprises of everyone being the same gender or race, you can bet your 401K you’ll never climb that organization’s ladder. Unless you look like the board.

Yes, young girls should be encouraged to compete – in sports, in music and in math. Mothers and fathers, married or not, have the responsibility to raise confident and respectful children, girls and boys, so that they can grow into respectful and confident adults.

But ban language? I don’t think so. It starts with one word. Then one book. And then we’re entering extremely dangerous ground.

Additionally, from the time we’re kids to the time we’re adults, others will continue to place labels on us, some good, some not so much. If it’s not inherently taught, from a very early age, that it’s our responsibility on how we react and respond to these labels, then how can we ever fend for ourselves? Or is the idea to stay in victim mode and continue to blame everything and everyone for our shortfalls?

Furthermore, when you tell the very people who have backward and outdated ideas about humanity to stop using certain words, all you’ll receive is backlash and an infuriating campaign against the very thing the goodwill is trying to create. Just look at the resentment against Affirmative Action. Twenty-five years later.

I’ve played in the Boy’s Club my whole life. I was a girl drummer in the ‘80s and, most of those 10 years, earned first chair position. My business school was nearly 75% male. And every corporation I ever worked for had a male CEO. I know this game well. I have no illusions.

In my experience, the best way to demonstrate competence isn’t to kill language. It simply requires you, without any apologies or any excuses, to do something twice as well as the person next to you.

Even if it means being bossy.

Reprinted with permission and gratitude from Cool Cleveland.